Intrinsic

Hold up a crisp $50 bill to any number of average individuals and ask if they want it. Barring any debilitating paranoia on the individual’s part an honest reply would be “Yes.” And why not?

Now hold up a crumpled, stained and well used $50 bill. How many would refuse that? All things being equal … none. A crisp, clean, fresh $50 bill and a stained, worn and dirty $50 bill have the same value regardless of the condition you find them in. The condition, the appearance, the mileage on a bill does not change its intrinsic value. Not one penny.

It has become a constant source of amazement to me how this reality holds true in so much of life.

It can apply to people we meet everyday. We place value on people reflective of our opinions, our perceptions, the apparent success or failure in a life, the mileage that is showing, how agreeable they are with our views on life, so many things … yet none of that is relevant. The intrinsic value does not change. Each life is precious, beneath what we see, and full of wonder. As true as this is and as awakening as it is to know this, there is an even deeper application of the truth of intrinsic value.

This moment, right now, can contain anything: Joy, happiness, pleasure, wonder, amazement, peace, wisdom, beauty, sadness, pain, grief, loneliness, despair, confusion, disappointment, fear, frustration, boredom, disinterest, the list goes on and on …

We again place value on the moment based on our perspective. Our opinions, desires, expectations, perceptions, hopes and dreams all overlay a coloring of ‘value’ on the moment we are in. “How are you today?” is a common question that sparks the process of evaluation and judgement on the moment. Whether we answer, “Fine” or “Terminal” depends not on the intrinsic value of the moment but rather on our thinking. We empower our attachment to arbitrary standards that actually do nothing to define the intrinsic value of the moment.

Whether the day contains sunshine or rain does not make it a good or bad day. If we want sunshine or rain is what will sway our conclusions. Yet it matters little if we are happy with the moment, the moment will be filled with wonder and beauty and potential regardless. We go through life creating our own suffering. We struggle, judge, resist and play God trying to work our will and bringing judgement down on all that oppose it when a simpler, peaceful path is open to us.

It’s called letting go. Letting be. The moment we stand in is a gift we did not earn. We do not own it. We do not control it and our influence is small indeed. What would happen if we were simply open to it? What if we accepted the intrinsic value of the gift with gratitude? It is easy to be grateful for a moment of sunshine. Less easy for a moment of storm and turmoil. But what if we were just grateful for the moment? Let go of attachments to selfish agendas and see what value can be found in a moment of being. Accept the gift even if it does not seem fresh and crisp. The value is there … regardless.

Good Friday

Sacrifice for the life of another is a common thing. Technically, a piece of broccoli sacrifices its existence as broccoli to change and become a sustaining element of your life when you eat it. “You are what you eat” is actually true. Sunlight as sunlight is sacrificed when absorbed into a leaf to become the energy for growth and photosynthesis in a plant. An animal’s life is sacrificed to feed the hunter and the hunter’s family. All of life, all of existence is built on the principle of sacrifice. It is the partial fingerprint of God on His creation. It is the nature of Creation. I say partial because we play a part too and without us the picture is not complete.

Rarely, in the vast scheme of things do you see compassion linked to sacrifice. Broccoli does not choose to be a side dish for your betterment. A deer will not kneel before the hunter and give itself to die for the needs of the hunter’s family. Willing, loving sacrifice, if only by instinct, can be seen at times. A mother may place herself between her young and danger. But knowing, willful, deliberate sacrifice out of compassion is not found outside of the realm of humanity. And rarely even there. Yet we are part of Creation and as a reflection of God’s Spirit and intent we play a special part in this amazing place and it was on this day that God led by example to show us in no uncertain terms how we are to fit into the puzzle.

Good Friday. In the tableau of this brutal and fearful day we are given the highest measure of the Spirit of God within us. “Greater love has no one than to lay down their life for a friend.” Jesus saw the need. He saw his disciples and followers, beyond that circle he saw the crowds with their hopeful, fearful faces, and beyond that he saw the ocean of humanity tossed without a compass or anchor in the storms of life. I believe he saw us … and wept. His compassion for us all filled his heart until it burst and knowing that it was for us, for us to see, for us to understand, for us to take into our hearts, for us to embody and continue with each step of our lives, he took his cross and led the way … compassionate sacrifice.

This is the missing piece of our hearts as we are the flawed piece of God’s wondrous Creation. This is the keystone of our purpose in life. Compassion. Sacrifice. “Let this mind be in you that was also in Christ Jesus…” Christ in us is more than words. More than songs on Sunday. More than uplifted hands and heartfelt hallelujahs. Christ in us is continuing the walk toward Calvary. Christ in us is the mind, heart and spirit of Christ seeing a suffering, lost world and sharing in his compassion; living a life of redemptive sacrifice. The world needs to see the heart of God. Not bigger church buildings or bigger bumper stickers on our cars or to hear the loud voices of judgement and condemnation. What humanity needs is a compass and an anchor and an understanding of the Spirit of God. They need to see in us the Compassion and Sacrifice that is the heart of Christ.

On this day, when we contemplate the blessed horrors of the Cross don’t let your thoughts rest only on what you have received. Look to the cross and know that for its purpose to be fulfilled you too must take up the cross and walk the uphill path.

On this day, don’t be distracted by the emotional details of what he went through. Remember the purpose of his being there. Remember what took him there. Before the blood flowed from his wounds, it coursed through his heart. Remember his heart.

On this day, hear the words of Jesus ring through your soul …

 ”Follow me.”

Heritage

Freaky stuff to come to grips with all of who you are.

In character, personality, spirit we become the person we are as the clay of life is molded by our hands and will … or deformed by the forces we refuse to face thinking darkness will somehow hide us.

Yet there is more.

Many cultural heritages emphasize our connection to those who walked the earth before us, who, for good or ill, laid the foundation for the life we are given. Just as we are more than our failures and more complicated than our decisions so too were those with whom we share connection.

Are we unworthy of compassion because we fail? Are they?

What dreams in darkness, shadows lie?
Never knowing light or breath
Buried in the grave of life
Beneath the shame, beneath the death

Of ugly twisted acts and thoughts
Source of all despair and tears
Of pain and pleasure cruelly wrought
Broken the soul, hopeless the fears

The hated Dreams, the despised Light
That only underscores the cost
Of forging bars of iron blight
Caged the heart, condemned the lost

So some in deeper darkness dwell
with mocking, suffocating dreams
So do we say from righteous swell
So different they, so holy we?

Being Home

The words in the book, while intending to help me along on my path to learning meditation, were none the less, unsettling. They told me to feel at home. At home sitting in the quiet, at home in my marriage, at home where I lived, at home at my age, at home with who I am, at home in this world. “You deserve to be in this world and this world deserves you.”

I found this unsettling because I realized I have never felt at home.

Growing up my family moved, a lot, and putting down roots became a risk because eventually I learned that uprooting would be certain and painful. As I entered a life of faith in my teens I was constantly indoctrinated with the thought “We are not meant for this world. There is a better place waiting for us!” Spiritual life began to be little more than a lifeboat queue where we had to behave ourselves so as to not lose our seat when it came time to board. We were told to ‘love not the world’ which I now understand, but it was taught more like ‘hate the world’, or ‘abhor the world’. Looking for beauty and pleasure was being tempted to sin. Certainly the idea of being at home in this present world was not something we were encouraged to do.

What did the writer mean, “Be at home”? With the filters of my upbringing the idea that I deserved to be here was not encouraging as ”Here” was never held up as a good place to be. Admittedly, my imagery in this matter was formed when I was young so I’m sure many aspects may have never really set in clearly with me. Looking back I am certain there was a distinction made between this world and the world system: the world about us and the human culture that pervades our lives with so much that is contrary to wisdom and goodness. But even the physical world was seen as corrupted, cursed and destined to burn.

The writer, Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, was a Tibetan spiritual leader with a very different world view than I grew up with. Not having Christian archetypes to filter his thoughts he was taught to experience life through this moment. To his thinking if you don’t deserve to be in this moment where else are you going to go? This moment is all we have. All that has happened before now happened when it was now. All that will happen someday will happen when it becomes THIS day. I am reminded of a poster I saw at college: “Yesterday is a dream tomorrow but a vision, but today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope ” Chögyam would have agreed wholeheartedly.

My reading and practice has continued over time and many lessons have been taught, some learned, some still on my syllabus. Through the time that has passed the one recurring struggle has been that one simple instruction. Be at home. I have come to realize that whether or not I am to be at home in this life is not as dependant on where I am as much as it is of me. In many ways the early lessons of not setting down roots, not loving this world, holding the Realm of God in highest adoration and desire actually were the right lessons to learn. We really shouldn’t attach ourselves to this present world. With good reason. It hurts.

Think for a moment of a fire in a cozy fireplace. Wood is burning and setting the shadows dancing. The smell of wood smoke tickles the senses as the crackle and occasional pop bring a warmth to the heart that is more than the heat cast forth by the fire. Nice scene, huh. Now picture and imagine yourself reaching into the fire and taking a burning log and holding it in your hand. Not so nice. The fire can create great joy and pleasure when appreciated for what it is. What is unnatural and the cause of great pain and suffering is trying to take it in our hands and hold onto it. The world about us is like that. If we think of the world as aflame we begin to put it into perspective. Beautiful, amazing, joyful and full of wonder but we cannot hold onto it. It is destined for flame, indeed, it is burning now, so we must not be attached to it.

I grow old, death comes to a loved one, a job or business tanks, a relationship goes south.  As long as I try to encase my life with concrete and fight to keep it aligned with my desires and expectations I am clutching the burning brand to my chest, screaming at the pain. If I cannot let go I will suffer and die. We have to let go.

I will always have my youth with me and now I have added adventures and challenges as age draws about me and my final years approach. My cat gave me untold moments of joy and happiness and I will always have those. The pain I hold onto not wanting him gone risks exchanging the memories I cherish for sadness and grief. Jobs, careers, positions, ways and means come and grow or come and go our entire lives. If we are not flexible, open-hearted and willing to change it will be a never-ending upstream swim of desperation with a waterfall roaring at our heals.

Attachment is death, self-inflicted. Unless we are at peace with life as change we will never be at home.

Is it possible to be at home in an ever-changing universe? If you resist and deny that it IS a changing universe then yes, it is impossible. Oh, but if you accept it! If you embrace the reality of life as it is, on its own terms and accept that you were born into THIS world, not the next, not by accident, not in the wrong place or wrong time. Here, now.

And what a blessed world it is. When God said “It is good” he was serious. I cannot believe he is disappointed in this constantly enthralling, surprising universe. Like an infinite kaleidoscope held up to his eye the wondrous, spontaneous eruptions of everchanging beauty must be an enduring source of pleasure to him. Life is change, creativity is change, every aspect of creation is in the process of change and any particle that ceaces to change is dead. Inert. It was all meant to be an ever enlivening dance of existence set to the music of his heart. And we are part of it. We were invited, we are meant to be here, intended to be here. We deserve to be here because it was his idea. When you realize that you are where you should be right now get ready to see life open like a flower in the warm summer sun.

Yesterday it snowed little grains of frozen stuff that bounced when it hit the ground. Not sleet or hail, just little snowballs bouncing everywhere. I stepped outside to pull something I had left on the deck out of the weather and stopped. The cold air swirled around me as it did the wind chimes that I have hanging everywhere. The cold itself touched me and moved along my skin as the little frisky snowballs bounced off my face and my smile. I took in the joy of the moment, amazed at the world and its beauty, amazed to be included in the Dance of the Tiny Snowballs, amazed to be embraced by the wind and caressed by the cold and kissed by the snow. Amazed that I was no longer an outsider. Amazed to be at home.

The words of an even greater Teacher sang with the wind chimes that morning bringing a deeper joy to my heart: “I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.”* And yes, that is here, and now.

*John 10:10 NKJV

Leaning

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” -Phillipians 4:6-7

This thought is so common among us (don’t worry about anything) but still we spend our life’s energies under the sign:

‘God helps those who help themselves.’ 

We feel that without our efforts we will go without, that there is no real security in life. In my life I have found that overcoming this is the foundational first step in spiritual growth and the path to peace. It is Truth that must settle deep into our hearts: “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.” Without this Truth in our hearts we are bound by our instinct for survival. I am not speaking here of taking on a license to be idle and parasitic. This is the foundation of faith that we are safe in his arms and that we can go forth without our all-consuming concern for our well being. That is freedom, or its beginning. 

What would it be like to begin your day in peace, without the underlying cancer of fear? To not be full of care for your well-being? To go about your day and daily labors unconcerned by circumstances, knowing that your daily bread is assured? With that assurance in your heart how much easier it would be to look outward, to set other needful things in order, to give your energies to the care of others; to be a vessel of Gods nurture to His other children? Assurance yields peace. Together they yield the fruit of gratitude. Could we help but be thankful?

“Then He said to His disciples, “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; nor about the body, what you will put on. Life is more than food, and the body is more than clothing.

Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap, which have neither storehouse nor barn; and God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds? 

And which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? If you then are not able to do the least, why are you anxious for the rest? 

Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. If then God so clothes the grass, which today is in the field and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will He clothe you, O you of little faith? Lk 22:22-28

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness 
for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies; 
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” Ps 23

“What have I to dread, what have I to fear,
Leaning on the everlasting arms;
I have blessed peace with my Lord so near,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.
Leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all alarms;
Leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms.”

Leaning on the Everlasting Arms – Lyrics: Elisha Hoffman, 1887.   Composer: Anthony Showalter

Balance

This is the easy side. Passion. It is earthy, physical, fleshly at times. It is the easy-flowing emotion-laced energy of life that is so a part of our being. It is easy. Natural. Spontaneous. And easy to get lost in. The passion of Earth must be balanced with the wisdom of Heaven. Flesh balanced with Spirit, emotional with the rational, spontaneity with discretion.

Awareness is the key to the balance of it all. Passions call but wisdom leads. The middle way is awareness and balance. Let your passions flower and brighten your life but never lose sight of the brighter light in your soul. You are a child of the earth and of heaven, body and spirit. Be one with both. Be.

This Little Light of Mine

• Prickly subject, huh! Truth. Faith. Belief. Religion. Of these four all are capable of change but the first. Each of the other three is, by its very purpose, pointing to the first, Truth. 
  
  Faith is our confidence, commitment, and reliance on Truth. It is a choice thing; heartfelt, life directing. It does not require ‘seeing’ but rather it simply knows that Truth is the highest expression of existence. Faith does not require that Truth conform to preconceptions but is receptive to what Truth speaks of itself. Faith may fail the individual as the heart chooses other desires but Truth does not fail. 
  
  Belief is how we make sense of it all. Belief is the form and function, the living, breathing, walking body if you will, of what we understand or have found or think we know about the Truth we have faith in. As we grow in spirit and understanding we may find our beliefs change as well.

  (When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known*)

  Our faith does not change, just how we understand the Truth we have encountered. 
  
  Religion is where we try to institutionalize our beliefs. Too often faith is corrupted into holding ‘belief’ in the place of Truth. At that point our Religion becomes sacrosanct, and immutable. Because it is the vessel of our Belief and Belief is now ascribed with all the qualities and aspects of Truth. Such a position needs defending because, unlike Truth, ‘belief’ cannot stand on its own. 
  
  Do all religions agree? No, of course not. Neither do the individual beliefs of the members of any one religion. Not on all points. Do all religions DISAGREE on all points? No. There are always grounds for agreement between individuals of different beliefs. Men and women of good will and sincere faith in God (or the Absolute or however they have come to know that from which we have all come and will all return) may not agree on all points but love for God and desire to serve Him should over-ride any religion based divisions.
  
  Should your faith in Truth lead you to a belief that what you believe must be seen by everyone, must be accepted and is key to salvation … then negative, destructive, critical or hateful approaches are likely to be rejected. That would seem counter productive. It is said that Mahatma Gandhi once commented, “If Christians lived according to the teachings of Jesus Christ, there would not be one Hindu left in India.” It was the belief of Mother Theresa that being a vessel of the love of God and giving that love to another person was giving that person an opportunity to find God in the midst of His goodness. As long as Truth is nothing more than words on a page to be debated over and not life in our hearts there will be no peace between religions and God will remain hidden in the smoke of our hatred and intollerance.
  
  Truth was meant to be lived not defended. If what you believe is indeed the clearest expression of Truth then the result in your life should be Life. Yes, apologetics can be more personally gratifying. Controversy is always more dramatic. Proof-texting is certainly a hoot. But living a selfless life of love, compassion and kindness is hard … like dying. But that is what Jesus taught. Oh, and its also what Buddha taught. And many others. 
  
  You want to prove you are right in your beliefs? Be the proof. Be the Light, unalloyed by self, pride or hatred. Let it shine! Let it shine! Let it shine!

  *1 Corinthians 13:11-12 (an illustration of the point, NOT a proof text

Dancing in the Fire

Looks kinda scary doesn’t he? This is Mahakala, a buddhist bodhisattva. Roughly equivalent to a Christian saint. Yeah, I know, he really doesn’t look the part. We think of saints as having halos of light and kind, loving faces. Actually bodhisattvas are generally more saintly in appearance as well.  The first time I saw this guy, or I should say, a statue of him, I was intrigued. Like saints the Bodhisattvas are set apart for contemplation so that their example can teach us the qualities of life that are needed on our path. This guy really didn’t seem to be someone I wanted to be like.

Such a fierce countenance certainly suggests passion. The flames imply flaming destruction perhaps even the fires of a demonic hell. Especially to Western eyes the imagery hardly seems appropriate to depict a holy personage. I have found that more often than not Western eyes need to have their filters changed and learn to see things differently.

I know that bodhisattvas are considered a half step short of buddhahood and that they have chosen to allow their compassion for all living beings to keep them attached to this world so that they can  help all others awaken. At that stage of spiritual attainment carnal anger and rage would no longer be natural expressions from Mahakala’s heart. Yet, here he is, depicted with a face that is always fierce and as dancing in the midst of flames. Curious paradox.

How placid and contemplative would you imagine the face of a mother to be who was racing to save her child from the attack of an animal? I think it is important to note here that not all passions are negative. Not all positive and beneficial emotions are weak and subtle. I can see where a heart filled with compassion could be fierce with that compassion, that purpose in their heart. Would it expand your viewpoint to understand that compassion isn’t ‘feeling sorry’ for someone? Compassion is dynamic, driving, moving with a sure knowledge that action is the only true way to deal with suffering in another’s life. True compassion, as opposed to pity, is always a word of action. Mahakala is known for supreme wisdom and passionate compassion. His fierce appearance isn’t anger or rage it is a reflection of the commitment and resolve in his heart to never give up in helping liberate all sentient beings from the circle of suffering: Fierce compassion. I really like that idea.

Okay, but why the flames?

The Laws of Conservation of Mass and Energy state simply that matter and energy can neither be created nor destroyed: only changed. While this has been accepted scientifically for only a few hundred years Buddhist thought has supported it for over 25 centuries. Teachings on emptiness and impermanence bring to the fore the concepts that all things are connected and that nothing ever really ends, only changes. I was thinking about that this morning meditating on my deck. Yeah, sometimes my meditations can be a bit strange.

It’s February in Colorado where I live and while its been a mild winter the mornings are always chilly if not downright cold. I bought an inexpensive metal ‘fire pit’ for burning charcoal to create a little warmth on the deck so I can go out for my quiet time. This morning I was staring at the flames flickering amidst the coals thinking about change. Is there a more pure, pristine symbol of change than fire?  Fire can heat a home making life comfortable for a precious family or the same fire can burn the home to the ground. Fire in and of itself is neither good nor evil but it is always the presence of change. For there to be fire something is burning: fuel is consumed, light is produced, heat is given off, ashes are formed and gasses released. What was once a lump of charcoal … changes.

All of existence is burning.

Just as fire is the perfect symbol of Change it is also a perfect symbol of the nature of existence.  Nothing that we can perceive in creation will continue as we know it now. Nothing. Not the stars, not the sun, not the moon, not the mountains, not the oceans, nothing is immune to change. We stand in the midst of all that we know and it is burning. What do we do? There is nothing we can save and cling to. Eventually the flames will consume all that we know, even us. Do we weep and wail paralyzed with fear? Do we mourn and travail over our loss? Do we close our eyes and think nice thoughts and hope it will go away?  Or do the flames show us the true nature of all that we hold so tightly? Look into the flames and see that it is all emptiness, vanity, illusionary value. Embracing the truth, embracing the flames we become free.

Mahakala is a picture of what human life should be. He has fierce compassion in the face of such great suffering in the world, a world in flames. But with compassionate understanding he is free of attachments to the mortal things around him and being free he is free to dance. Free to dance in the midst of the flames.

I find my prayer taking this form:

“May compassion be the fire of my heart.
May I see the world as in flames and may the flames free me from the attachments that bind me.
Being free may my life be a dance of compassion in the midst of the flames.”

Growth

There are three stages of growth as I understand spiritual life. All valid and important but needing to be progressive.

The first is realization that we are fragile and powerless on our own in a sometimes dangerous and hazardous world. We must look to God for protection from physical harm, sickness and the like. The sheltering arm of God is an important part of our peace of heart. Our walk becomes more steady and assured when we know we do not walk alone but rather share the Presence and Purpose of God.

The second is realization that our choices, desires and actions are the source of our personal suffering. The reordering of our lives to reflect the values and purposes of the Spirit of God is a necessary step but an easily diverting one. This is an internal growth that takes place in the Presence of God that has visible results in the outward expression of our lives. The Self is more interested in the ‘outward’ part and will attempt to usurp the process by creating dogmatic beliefs around the light of God in our hearts. This light, this Truth by whatever means: wisdom teaching, revelation, personal insight based on experience, is meant for our growth and wisdom. Instead it becomes a Standard that we run up a flag pole and salute and then judge anyone who doesn’t agree and share in our devotion. This is a perversion of the 3rd stage and prevents our moving into this next state of grace.

The 3rd stage is, indeed, beginning to face outward. Up to this point the ministry of Truth has been personal and intentionally internal to create in us an understanding that can lead to compassion. We are fragile and so we know that all human beings are fragile and need the assurance of the providence of God. We needlessly cause our own suffering and so we know that all who suffer can be helped and need help. Compassion for all is the 3rd and outward facing stage of our spiritual path. If we allow Self to take over and divert the process with making dogma and law of our understanding and belief then when we turn to face the outer world we do so with judgement and critizism rather than compassion.

Follow the path before you and the teachings you receive but do so understanding that the work done in your heart is accomplished for the sole purpose of helping you prepare to take up the greater Purpose: serving your fellow travellers with the love and compassion of the living God.

Love thy neighbor, as thyself.

Being

What can an oak tree do to be more oak? More tree? Can it be less, standing there in the back yard silent before the sun? No, it can only be itself. Being is not something that can be improved or lessened; only found or hidden. A knife can be sharpened or dulled but it is still a knife. Its being does not define its usefulness any more than usefulness can define being.  Usefulness can be honed but it does not change what something truly is.

We try to make it complicated, we humans. We gather titles like a stamp collection hoping to lick-n-stick something that will tell us what we are. I am a grandfather, a father, a son, a husband, a brother, a friend, a businessman, a photographer, a poet, a boss, a servant, a mower of lawns, a shoveller of snow, a walker, a biker, a vegetarian … the list goes on and on. Attempting to express what I am yields all these things yet none of them is me. At times not really knowing I express myself with all the focus of a blindfolded child swinging at a birthday piñata.

Then where am “I”? I cannot even point at my own flesh and say, “Here am I!” Since my birth nearly every living cell in my body has died and been replaced with new ones. Every molecule that forms me is borrowed from a previous existence of some other form. From the first two cells donated by my parents to the water I drink, the minerals and fuels I consume, everything is borrowed and will one day be returned to the blending of the universe to be used over and over. “I” must be found elsewhere than my ever-changing physicality.

My thoughts are no less, and indeed, considerably more ephemeral than my body. Like sunlight on the waves of the lake my thoughts glimmer and gleam, dance and dazzle but they are only reactions to stimuli. Voices in the mist chatting to themselves about whatever stirs them. Wind on the water, sunlight on the waves are an intriguing sight but nothing that captures our attention is really the water, only reactions to stimuli. We must be more than our chaotic thoughts if we are truly more than the changing wind and fading sunlight. It is comforting, and perhaps a clue, to understand that when the wind is still and the sun is down … the lake remains.

Everything in existence changes. Some things slowly like mountains and stars, some quickly like mayflies and the wind in the trees. Everything that is integral to our existence is mutable and temporary. That being true, where are we?  If not our body, if not our thoughts, then what is it that we can point at and say, “Here! Here I am!”

Perhaps, the need to point is part of the problem and the ability to point is the heart of the solution. Naming and defining has been a part of the human paradigm since the Garden. But ‘A rose by any other name would smell as sweet’ so it is not the title or titles we cling to that define us. In wanting to point and breathe a sigh of relief saying, “Ah. There I am.” we try to objectify our existence. And fail in the trying. How do you know a knife is a knife and not a cup? How do you know a tree is a tree and not just a grouping of sunlight, water, earth and air? How is it that wind is wind and not rain? It is not just the names that define them. It is their place in the mozaic of creation, their purpose.

Creation is very much like a painting being expressed by the hand of God. Different pigments, different shapes, different forms of light and shadow all being applied by His brushstrokes. Pigment is only pigment until a master’s hand uses it to create beauty. When is red not a color but a flower? When it is placed on the canvas with purpose. And there is the light. We know a knife is a knife because we recognise its purpose. A tree is more than its constituent elements because its life and form have a purpose. We are beings of ephemeral thoughts and transient elements but we are more when we find our purpose.

The pigment does not decide to be a flower, or a sky or water. Its purpose is defined by its place in the Artists creation. We are more than the pigment of our existence.

Enamored with the sound of our thoughts we think thinking is us but who is listening? Aware of our body we see our place in the world and fear that it will die but who is aware? Who sees? Who fears? There is that which needs no voice, does not need to speak to be. There is that which does not need to see to be. The knife does not need to be cutting to be a knife. We are not in the voices, we are not in the seeing, we are not in the doing. As the presence of God can be found in silence it is important to know that that which is truly us is like Him. We must find the silence (“Be still, and know that I am God”) and there, in the stillness where only being dwells we will find that the searcher has been found. In the Spirit of the Artist from who’s hand we are formed we will find our purpose. In the finding we should smile that we have been asking the wrong question all along. It is not “Who am I”  or “What am I” or even “Where am I” but rather … Why.